hey girlies,
i'm sorry. i'm out. i'm fat still and i need to stop this and just focus on being heathy and skinny. i need to bow out.
I honestly love and care for each and every one of you. i will think of you.
Elle
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Quick post
just finished my first workout since band ended. burned 429 calories in 36 minutes. i feel good.
i'm going to try to keep running/walking/jogging in the mornings as opposed to when i did it today, after school. i ate about 530 calories of crap so it's good to see the i burned most of it off.
i have 44 days until new years, 44 days. I GOTTA KEEP GOING.
Tumblr is really inspiring me to do more work and be productive (which is counter intuitive seeing as i'm addicted to it.)
I love you girlies,
Elle
Friday, November 11, 2011
Hey again
hello loves,
i've been kinda down and depressed lately. The last few weeks have been hard on me and i'm really spacey.
I'm curenttly at 253.6, *yucks*, i'm working on it. i'm not really sure what's wrong with me, i'm just morose lately.
I've fallen in LOVE with the song I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. SOOOO GOOD, look it up, it makes me want a BF really badly.
are you all doing ok?
If you need thinspo, i have a new post up on my other blog, http://elle-usivedream.blogspot.com/ , check it out. it's black and white themed.
I love you guys and think of you often,
Elle
i've been kinda down and depressed lately. The last few weeks have been hard on me and i'm really spacey.
I'm curenttly at 253.6, *yucks*, i'm working on it. i'm not really sure what's wrong with me, i'm just morose lately.
I've fallen in LOVE with the song I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. SOOOO GOOD, look it up, it makes me want a BF really badly.
are you all doing ok?
If you need thinspo, i have a new post up on my other blog, http://elle-usivedream.blogspot.com/ , check it out. it's black and white themed.
I love you guys and think of you often,
Elle
Saturday, October 29, 2011
posts 24-29
Day Twenty-Four- How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia
- i feel like it is a meager term trying in vain to describe an entire thought process that changes from person to person. what we are is ineffable.
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
- i've never thrown up but i have been quite active with laxies. the first time i used laxies, i was amazed at how easy it was to shed 7 lbs in a matter of minutes. at my worst i was taking 3 times the recomended dose. it doesn't work, you gain back all of the weight the next time you eat or drink. and you get bloated. i haven't used them in 4 months or so.
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
- being beautiful. i want to turn heads and be loved. plain and simple.
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being around food?
- i talk to myself. i coach myself through eating it or not. i weigh calories, apparent healthyness and my earlier eating from the day.
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
- i would love to have one, but i don't need it. i just want a slender waist and a pretty face, i sound really shallow but i want to be that really pretty bitch that all the girls love but envy. but i don't want skeletal thiness. just tinyness.
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
- independant personality, loosely braided long hair, dark, expressive eyes, pink lips, slouchy clothes.
ok, ok, i'm almost done with band. i'll post better when i'm done next week.
Love,
Elle
- i feel like it is a meager term trying in vain to describe an entire thought process that changes from person to person. what we are is ineffable.
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
- i've never thrown up but i have been quite active with laxies. the first time i used laxies, i was amazed at how easy it was to shed 7 lbs in a matter of minutes. at my worst i was taking 3 times the recomended dose. it doesn't work, you gain back all of the weight the next time you eat or drink. and you get bloated. i haven't used them in 4 months or so.
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
- being beautiful. i want to turn heads and be loved. plain and simple.
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being around food?
- i talk to myself. i coach myself through eating it or not. i weigh calories, apparent healthyness and my earlier eating from the day.
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
- i would love to have one, but i don't need it. i just want a slender waist and a pretty face, i sound really shallow but i want to be that really pretty bitch that all the girls love but envy. but i don't want skeletal thiness. just tinyness.
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
- independant personality, loosely braided long hair, dark, expressive eyes, pink lips, slouchy clothes.
ok, ok, i'm almost done with band. i'll post better when i'm done next week.
Love,
Elle
Sunday, October 23, 2011
249.8 (photo post)
first things first:
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
- yes and no. really, any weight-loss is in some partial way related to "those pretty girls in magazines that i want to be" but the majority of my weight loss is because i don't like being fat. simple as that. (hehe it rhymed)
and now onto the meat on my post.
yesterday i hit 249.8 so i took pictures. and now we will see the change of 20 lbs.
- 269.0
- 249.8
this is the first time i've seen them side by side. you can see some inprovement in my gut (blehg)and a bit in my legs from marching band.
here's to becoming one of those unobtainable girls.
i love you guys,
Elle
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
- yes and no. really, any weight-loss is in some partial way related to "those pretty girls in magazines that i want to be" but the majority of my weight loss is because i don't like being fat. simple as that. (hehe it rhymed)
and now onto the meat on my post.
yesterday i hit 249.8 so i took pictures. and now we will see the change of 20 lbs.
- 269.0
- 249.8
this is the first time i've seen them side by side. you can see some inprovement in my gut (blehg)and a bit in my legs from marching band.
here's to becoming one of those unobtainable girls.
i love you guys,
Elle
Friday, October 21, 2011
20 posts in one (...but wait there's more!!!)
first things first, my lack of upkeep on the daily post weightloss thingy.
Day Two- How tall are you? Do you like your height?
- i'm 5'7, i like it but i would love to be taller. my ideal would be 5'10.
Day Three- A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?
-
i like that she's skinny yet still has tiny curves. i like her flat stomach, i like the colors of the picture, and i like that it's Felice Fawn without her usual get-up (in other word the goth makeup and black)but it still retains her beauty and essence.
Day Four- Your greatest fears about weight loss.
- that i will quit and never be pretty to anyone but my close family and friends.
Day Five- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
- I'm doing this so that my (eventual)kids can have a pretty mom, and that someday somebody will want to look deeper at me and because i don't like feeling my fat jiggle when i walk.
Day Six- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
- on occasion, yes. i think i binge in order to show mainly my family that i eat and that "i'm okay"
Day Seven- Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
- my mother knows i'm trying to lose weight not how. both of my parents are obese so they encourage me to some extent and discourage me also to some extent
Day Eight- Your workout routine.
- 2 words, band practice. but after the season ends, i would like to start running/figure out a workout plan to keep up the weightloss.
Day Nine- Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
-yeah, just not to my face. i was that awkward girl that really didn't understand the "normal" ways in which to interact with people so i was a bit ostracised.
Day Ten- What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
-honsety, or peice of mind, both are pretty up there on my list of things i would go back for.
Day Eleven- Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
-oh, god, ummmmm....http://thinjoy.tumblr.com/ because i like the photo's she posts.
Day Twelve- What do you normally eat?
-salad, bread (bad bad bad), pickles, carrots. chocolate on bad days, pasta on the unbearable days.
Day Thirteen- Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
-depends on who you are and where you're asking this question from. i am loosing weight via an "unhealthy" amount of calories paired with exercise.
Day fourteen- What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
-my UGW is officialy 120 but i'll stop anytime i feel like i can like myself in the mirror. i expect to reach it before the start of my freshman year of college, so summer/fall 2012/
Day Fifteen- Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
-i am a vegetarian for almost 2 years, and yes it has helped me lose weight. less options.
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
-when i first wanted to lose weight, age 14. when i first implemented a plan to lose weight, age 16.
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
-technically no
Day Eighteen- What food is your weakness?
-Pasta with sauce, butter, and cheese.
Day Nineteen- When is the last time you ate fast food?
- a week ago
Day Twenty- Favorite diet?
ummm- probably the raw foods diet. not many calories no matter how much you consume.
Day Twenty-One- What are your clothing sizes?
- a 22/20 in pants and an xl/l in shirts
OH MY GOD, i'm sorry i disappeared. those of you who followed my previouse blog know i have a penchant for doing that. life got too much for me and i had band practice every weekday and saturday and my sundays are reserved for homework accumulation. band ends on the 30th, so i'll have some more time. which i will need to apply to colleges. *brain explosion* somehow i will get this done.
LOVE YOU,
Elle
Day Two- How tall are you? Do you like your height?
- i'm 5'7, i like it but i would love to be taller. my ideal would be 5'10.
Day Three- A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?
-
i like that she's skinny yet still has tiny curves. i like her flat stomach, i like the colors of the picture, and i like that it's Felice Fawn without her usual get-up (in other word the goth makeup and black)but it still retains her beauty and essence.
Day Four- Your greatest fears about weight loss.
- that i will quit and never be pretty to anyone but my close family and friends.
Day Five- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
- I'm doing this so that my (eventual)kids can have a pretty mom, and that someday somebody will want to look deeper at me and because i don't like feeling my fat jiggle when i walk.
Day Six- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
- on occasion, yes. i think i binge in order to show mainly my family that i eat and that "i'm okay"
Day Seven- Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
- my mother knows i'm trying to lose weight not how. both of my parents are obese so they encourage me to some extent and discourage me also to some extent
Day Eight- Your workout routine.
- 2 words, band practice. but after the season ends, i would like to start running/figure out a workout plan to keep up the weightloss.
Day Nine- Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
-yeah, just not to my face. i was that awkward girl that really didn't understand the "normal" ways in which to interact with people so i was a bit ostracised.
Day Ten- What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
-honsety, or peice of mind, both are pretty up there on my list of things i would go back for.
Day Eleven- Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
-oh, god, ummmmm....http://thinjoy.tumblr.com/ because i like the photo's she posts.
Day Twelve- What do you normally eat?
-salad, bread (bad bad bad), pickles, carrots. chocolate on bad days, pasta on the unbearable days.
Day Thirteen- Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
-depends on who you are and where you're asking this question from. i am loosing weight via an "unhealthy" amount of calories paired with exercise.
Day fourteen- What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
-my UGW is officialy 120 but i'll stop anytime i feel like i can like myself in the mirror. i expect to reach it before the start of my freshman year of college, so summer/fall 2012/
Day Fifteen- Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
-i am a vegetarian for almost 2 years, and yes it has helped me lose weight. less options.
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
-when i first wanted to lose weight, age 14. when i first implemented a plan to lose weight, age 16.
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
-technically no
Day Eighteen- What food is your weakness?
-Pasta with sauce, butter, and cheese.
Day Nineteen- When is the last time you ate fast food?
- a week ago
Day Twenty- Favorite diet?
ummm- probably the raw foods diet. not many calories no matter how much you consume.
Day Twenty-One- What are your clothing sizes?
- a 22/20 in pants and an xl/l in shirts
OH MY GOD, i'm sorry i disappeared. those of you who followed my previouse blog know i have a penchant for doing that. life got too much for me and i had band practice every weekday and saturday and my sundays are reserved for homework accumulation. band ends on the 30th, so i'll have some more time. which i will need to apply to colleges. *brain explosion* somehow i will get this done.
LOVE YOU,
Elle
Saturday, October 8, 2011
30 Day Weightloss Challenge
hey girlies, i'm still working on the weight thing. work work work. anywho i thought i would do this challenge thingy. join if you want.
bye bye loves,
Elle
BTW: a good workout son is last one standing by Hot Chelle Rae, SOOOOOO GOOOOOODDDD!!!!
Day One- Your stats
Age- 17
Height - 5'7
Weight - 253
Shirt/dress size - xl/2xl
Pants size - 22
Highest recorded weight - 283
Goal weight – 120
Day Two- How tall are you? Do you like your height?
Day Three- A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?
Day Four- Your greatest fears about weight loss.
Day Five- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Day Six- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
Day Seven- Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
Day Eight- Your workout routine.
Day Nine- Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Day Ten- What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
Day Eleven- Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
Day Twelve- What do you normally eat?
Day Thirteen- Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Day fourteen- What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
Day Fifteen- Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
Day Eighteen- What food is your weakness?
Day Nineteen- When is the last time you ate fast food?
Day Twenty- Favorite diet?
Day Twenty-One- What are your clothing sizes?
Day Twenty-Two- What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Day Twenty-Four- How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being around food?
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
Day Thirty- 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
bye bye loves,
Elle
BTW: a good workout son is last one standing by Hot Chelle Rae, SOOOOOO GOOOOOODDDD!!!!
Day One- Your stats
Age- 17
Height - 5'7
Weight - 253
Shirt/dress size - xl/2xl
Pants size - 22
Highest recorded weight - 283
Goal weight – 120
Day Two- How tall are you? Do you like your height?
Day Three- A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?
Day Four- Your greatest fears about weight loss.
Day Five- Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Day Six- Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
Day Seven- Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
Day Eight- Your workout routine.
Day Nine- Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Day Ten- What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
Day Eleven- Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
Day Twelve- What do you normally eat?
Day Thirteen- Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Day fourteen- What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
Day Fifteen- Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
Day Eighteen- What food is your weakness?
Day Nineteen- When is the last time you ate fast food?
Day Twenty- Favorite diet?
Day Twenty-One- What are your clothing sizes?
Day Twenty-Two- What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
Day Twenty-Three- Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Day Twenty-Four- How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia
Day Twenty-Five- Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
Day Twenty-Six- What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
Day Twenty-Seven- How do you deal with being around food?
Day Twenty-Eight- Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Day Twenty-Nine- Your definition of beauty.
Day Thirty- 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
Monday, October 3, 2011
I have a tumblr now, what an improvement.
hey loves, i just got a tumblr. you can find me at tosayitoldyouso.tumblr.com . go and follow, loves.
just wanting to update and say that once i lose 3 lbs and get to 249.whatever i will post progress pics thus far. can't wait.
Love you all,
Elle
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Hello lovelies
Well,
two posts within a week that's a start. i haven't been eating great. lots of fast food and junk food. i'm literally drowning in my pile of homework. it's crazy. Music is helping me alot lately. i've gotten into Jessie J and Hot Chelle Rae. and french music, like Ben L'oncle Soul and Coeur de Pirate. I really want Domino by Jessie J to be my theme song. it's my confidence song. it makes me feel like a skinny girl even if i'm not.
Do you guys have any favorite bands that i should look into?? i'm yearning for new music.
well, honestly, i don't have that much to say, i just wanted to check in.
Love,
Elle
P.S.- i need some input, should i change my kind of exit slogan because this is a new blog or i dunno, do you guys even care?
Love,
Elle
Responces:
Bella: hiya, i'm sorry you missed me, and yeah everything is pretty much ok, i'm still having a lot of problems with self-confidence and just feeling alright so yeah, but i'm kind of working on it. awws thankies, you stay strong too. i've missed this support system, it's nice to have it back.
americaneaglelove: OF CORSE I REMEMBER YOU SILLY!! well most of my workout is walking on a slight incline and a lot of slight muscle toning. i do Guard in band so i spend 2 hours roughly per weekday practicing and then there are football games and competitions so yeah something like that. i find it makes me feel better about eating in general if i'm working out a bit also. Love you babe.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Hi
hey loves,
i have been absent for quite a while haven't i. It seemed as if i couldn't remember why i was doing this. i couldn't remember the point of it all. and then i started senior year of high school. and i was exactly the same as i was before. i was 260. and now i'm 250. and i'm here again.
i've missed sharing my life with you guys, sharing my struggles and angers and fears and wins and happiness. I've missed you guys. i'm currently working out 6 days a week, approx. 2 hours per workout. i've got a lot of new muscle. i'm a size 22 now, not 24. and i feel thinner. i still don't like to eat food without knowing the calories and i halfhartedly calorie count everyday.
i just wanted to come back and say hi and hopefully i'll be able to keep my head in this for enough time as to loose all the weight i want to loose.
I LOVE YOU and I THOUGHT OF YOU,
Elle
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